Sunday, October 30, 2005

Jumbled up Experiences

Story 1
Place: OCS Stadium

Your's truly was conducting a normal run of the mill IPPT when this incident occured, much to the amazement and amusement of your's truly.

Officer:(Plucking a leaf ) U know what is the meaning of this ?
Cadets: No Sir !
Officer: This is a good luck charm, when I pluck this all of you will run faster.
Cadets: Yes Sir......
Excuse me.....but what bomoh skill is going on ? Since when will a leaf make one go faster? The army is messing around with people's minds I tell you. Am glad I am gonna be out in may. =)

Story 2
Place: OCS Gym

Colonel: I want the tvs mounted on the wall to be moved 6 inches down
PTI: The tvs are mounted.....cannot be moved
Colonel: But i strain my neck when i watch tv and run
Chief PTI: yes sir ! The TV will be moved down, I will notify the contractors to come as soon as possible.....


The things people do when they think they're big shots.......tsk tsk.....abuse of power me thinks....



Monday, October 24, 2005

Warcraft 3

All along, your's truly used to sneer at the geeks hiding behind their computers while macho men like me went about busy with our very manly activities. Maybe that's why your's truly is computer illeiterate.....

Today marks a new turn in this chapter. The computers in the office have all been Warcraft-ised, and the merry gang hard at work polishing up our battle skills and refining our strategies. Ironically, all of us are also first-timers in Warcraft.....once again showing that we are all neanthadals in disguise....imagine....everytime something minor happens to the computers all of us immediately hit the panic button and call the IT folks in...maybe that's why they don't pick up our calls nowsadays. Of course, we wouldn't like any of you inferiors out there to acutely point out our flaws in front of us, which is why I prefer to term ourselves as alpha males. Yes, that infinitely sounds so much better than neanthadal.....although I wouldn't mind carrying around a club to knock any hot chick unconscious so I could bring her back to my cave....hmm...on hindsight, that'll never ever happen to his great one, his royal highness, machismo personified.

Maybe this also explains why we all like to pick characters that are basically maulers and head bashers. Nick Lim was using Pudge, a fat pig, much to the merriment of the entire team....your's truly, as always used the majestic Thor......At least, mine is handsome and at any rate, doesn't look like a pig.

We're all begginers....highlight of the day......killing Tam's hero 1 time ! A bit pathetic, I know, considering he murdered us about 20+ times....each. One feels that maybe that sly one purposely allowed himself to be killed so that we could go home....lol. But its a start. Soon we'll all be experts and be thrashing all comers.

In other matters, the Poameister often gets negative feedback about the YAG(young adults group) at church. This is HIS STAND. The Poameister feels very comfortable with the present situation, although, it is usually very boring....almost lulling his royal majesty to sleep at times. But that's just the way I like it when it comes to church. Nice and non-controversial. No running around chasing people to come join church(i like a certain exclusiveness......), and neither does the entire congregation feel obliged to go 'sha la la la la' during service. Am very comfortable with this laid back attitude. And neither is there any pressure whatsoever to maintain a certain attendance percentage and all. I think that this church basically leaves all such triviliaties to the individual, and yours truly likes this arrangement as the church is supposed to be a channel in which one communes with God.

Once again, this is your's truly, signing off.



Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Jungle Book part 1

Jungle:Pulau Tekong

If by now, any of you have the misconception that the jungle is a nice place filled with flora..you have been fooled......

No doubt, all those army advertisements show courageous soldiers prowling effortlessly in the dense vegetation must have contributed to the myth that the jungle is a nice place.
P.S They're probably scratching their mosquito bite filled backsides when the camera is not on them.

Add to the fact shows such as LOST, where everyone seems so nice and clean in the jungle. Ever wondered why none of them ever got any insect bites ? Or that they always seem so nice and clean-shaven....funny how the chicks in the show never sprout any armpit hair....considering that they're angmohs, a.k.a 'hairy people'. Jack's hairstyle is always the same each episode....and if left to nature, Sayed would probably resemble a monkey.

The truth: There are tons of creepy crawlies in the jungle. There is also lotsa mud and grime....in fact, most of the jungle is mud. About a million mosquitos. Now, why is only now that your's truly is complaining about the jungle ? Surely, he, who has been in the army for such a long time would have known this from the start......Well, yesterday, your's truly went back to the dreaded island of Tekong once again for a river crossing exercise. In my opinion, a bloody waste of time. That said, its been quite some time now since yours truly had to actually camp outfield, hence, as they say, outta sight, outta mind. Definitely brought back a plethora of bad memories. Just the other day, yours truly was wondering if he made the right choice in taking the road less travelled by becoming a PTI instead of going to OCS. Well, your's truly had forgotten why the hell he had rejected in the first place going to OCS while in SISPEC and scheduled for a cross-over........he HATED the JUNGLE. Yesterday truly reminded him of the CORE reason why he didn't want to cross over and instead fought so hard to get himself admitted into the PTI course....albeit rather underhandedly.....

Ever wondered why in the commercials all the river crossings are done at night ? The army would like you to think that its because of tactical reasons....yours truly however feels that this is so because the water in rivers are usually brown. Like milo......if you're lucky, the water is moving....if not, there's a layer of oil on top of the water and dead insects are floating all over. And hence, here is where you see the truth.

Case Study 1: Always shake your shoes/boots in the morning before you put them on. That is the rule number one, assuming one actually takes off his footwear while sleeping out in the wild...your's fully puts on everything...always better to have one more layer of defense. LTA Eric Neo(Guards) obviously doesnt think so....Probably complacency setting in there....Afterall, Guards are known to repel down helicopters and like to see themselves as being one of the elite fighting forces that the SAF has. Being the man of steel that he is, Eric didnt bother shaking the boots....afterall, even creepy crawlies know better than to crawl inside the boot of a guardsman ! Obviously, one big red centipede did not bother about this and duely made the boot his abode for the night. The rest they say is history, man puts feet into boot, man gets bitten by centipede, man goes to hospital, man gets 5 days mc. LOL, on hindsight, one must point out to the fact that the centipede was RED....the colour of Commandos, hated rivals of the Guards. Anyway, the centipede was burned to death by LTA Eugene(ARMOUR) , figures.....armour includes all the tanks and artillery...lotsa bombing....and so, the centipede was burned to death, one actually gets on a sadistic high while watching the centipede squirm and twitch in pain as it is slowly burned to ashes. Heh, that oughta teach those pesky creatures not to bother humans anymore.

And so, 30 over mosquito bites later, yours truly is reminded that the jungle is not a nice place. This is the Poameister, signing off !



Sunday, October 16, 2005

Anoymous

To all annoymous people out there: Please stop putting comments on my blog as to how to make money !!!! I certainly will not need your mindless schemes as to how to make 'millions.' I already know I will be a multi-millionaire next time. This is the true fool-proof way of getting rich. Ready for it ? Yes, it is to get a RICH WIFE/HUSBAND ! See, I already have my way of making millions. So I certainly will not need your help, thank you very much. Ah, another point, I'm also going to be a lawyer, so at any rate, I doubt I shall need much financial assistance from you of all people......you're annoy-mous.....annoying me at any rate, and my fans as well....those that read the comments....


Anyway, there are many selfish people around yours truly.....all secretly cursing me behind my back so that I wouldn't be able to go abroad for their own selfish reasons. Etc, oxy on hearing that my LNATs went rather badly clapped and said 'yay, now u're going to stay in singapore....even worse, Sharon just went ' yay, now you can get a car and ferry me all around singapore !' Terrible !!!!

Yours truly would sincerely like to remind all that love is noble and love is in giving, not recieving. So no matter how much all of you fans love me out there, please allow yours truly to be able to go with a carefree heart, instead of pondering and worrying about all of you.

This is the Poameister signing off !



Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Majulah Singapura

The LNATs were rather tough. Damn Brits, can't they be nicer like their Aussie counterparts.....just accept the cash and no questions asked. 40 mins for an essay is definitely too short....especially for someone as verbose as yours truly. Hopefully, your's truly will do well enough to get himself out of this shit-hole. Otherwise, its marjula Singapura !!! NUS uglies, NTU Fuglies.....here I come.....terrible.....

Ah well, at least your's truly had the captivating Miss Bian for company for lunch today. Apple Pie as usual. Sweet yet airy. (Am refering to both here.) She thinks that the interesting life of your's truly is made up....blasphemous of the great one she is....tsk tsk.

aH~! The CSM is leaving for england !! Hurray hurray !!! Let all anarchy and mayhem break free from its shackles. Am going to write a poem here. If he should get news of this, he must know that I love him all the same and I wish him all the best !

Setting forth to lands unknown,
with all our hopes on his back.
Ever steady, he marches on.

Pack your bags !
Bid farewell !
For yappy is heading north.
To lands seemingly unknown,
Hail the Queen!
Yippy Yippy! Yappy's Going !

Let the walls break down,
for when the cat is not around,
the mice come out to play !

Come at ten, go at four.
Here's the life we've all been waiting for.
Unshackled we will emerge.
LET ANARCHY BREAK FREE !

Our time has come,
this we will savour.
Victory is sweet.
We are free !
We are free !



Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Centre of the World

It has been brought to the attention of your's truly in recent times, issues regarding your's truly being overtly self-centred/self-consumed.

X, an old friend or more appropriately termed as acquaintance, commented a few weeks back that deep down inside, your's truly was still the nic that existed then. Till today, X is the only person which has come through/found a way to the core and yet, left. In actual fact, one actually feels that she is right. Is the enigma now that all the world is privy too merely a shell ? Albeit a very interestingly crafted and designed shell. One can actually confess truthfully, that this shell was actually created perhaps as a barrier or protection. It's amazing actually....how she can actually almost telepathically pierce through everything each time. Ironic really, seeing how we've not met for the best part of 4 years, and yet she still knows. Even more ironic that your's truly cannot even fathom even to the slightest degree who or what X is......



Tuesday, October 04, 2005

My future Family

Your's truly has just finished a tour of other lesser blogs. Am proud to say that once again, this blog is rated by me as THE most entertaining blog around. Only here can one find sophisticated literature(read the green eyed monster) as well as excellent articles which are laced with dry wit. In fact, yours truly is not going on another tour in the near future. All that angst....people nowsadays dont know what to appreciate what they have.......although on hindsight, yours truly could be 10cm taller, put on 5 more kg of muscle mass, be smarter, richer and oh yes, have a super duper hottie for a girlfriend. Would be perfect if she was rich and smart at the same time. Now look, there you see, lotsa desires and angst, albeit put across in a light hearted way. If everyone adopted this style, blogs would be infinitely more interesting and far less depressing.

Back to the topic, 'THE FUTURE' (cue for trumpets), Your's truly has taken the liberty of naming 2 of his 3 kids already. Preferably, your's truly would prefer the oldest to be a girl, followed by twin boys. The girl shall be named Alethea. Now, thats such a pretty, sophisticated and princessy name. One of the boys shalt be given the name Wyatt. Ah , thats a nice and strong name. Lotsa energy coming out of that name. The last name would of cos be decided by my wife/mother of the children, whichever is applicable. She can also pick the names of the other children, if she's up for it. Oh, all chinese names will be decided by her too. Preferably using easy words so that the father of the children wouldnt forget or worse, not know how to write it in the first place. If left up to me, it'd probably be pan yi , pan er, and pan san. Sharon suggested pan cake. But thats not funny, she's an idiot. Making fun of my future names for my children.

Ah, as for my future spouse, or even girlfriend, here is a list of criteria. (very difficult to meet)
Physical Attributes
1. Super nice features: Sharp nose(enuff to even cut butter). Nice eyes(not too big). Eyes should be expressive, able to show a wide range of emotion....not the dead kind. Porcelain complexion(i.e. better than mine) In all, a fairly symetrical face(defined by aristotle as beauty). One more thing, ears should not be sticking out like an elephant.
2. Height: Should not be less than 1.58m. Yes, I must admit now tt I am not the tallest of men, but thats why I want the future mother of my kids to be tall. So my kids have a 50% chance of being tall.
3. Figure: Should not weigh more than me. Preferably without flab.
4. Race: Mix bloods would be most preferable.

Personality:The absolute most important one as well as the category where most people fail to meet up the mark. Her personality must as unpredictable as the British Weather. Vibrant, lazy, passionate, icy, fierce, meek and all the different dichotemies that one can find. Stability is out. People think I am crazy to want this, but it would be rather boring if everything was all fine, dainty and predictable. I want someone to not only bask lazily together with me on a fine summer day, but also one that will laugh maniacally at the storms approaching and ride it out with me. Yes, this pletora of conditions will probably never be met. I for one have only met 1 person that actually beared any resemblance to this......

External Factors
1. Wealth: It would be nice not to have to worry abt material needs, although if she did possess the above mentioned personality or physical attributes, I wouldn't mind working all day to put food on the table


In my humble opinion , your's truly will probably never meet anyone like that.
Cheryl and company is waiting with bated breath at the day I have a girlfriend and to see if she actually meets up to the requirement. She asked once that since love is blind, one will not be able to choose or even predict what one would end up with. However , I told her that this was totally wrong and used circular reasoning to disprove her. Here goes, Poameister likes girls with above mentioned qualities, girls w/o above mentioned qualities would not attract the Poameister. See ! Circular in everyway.

Anyway, anyone who finds someone fitting into the above mentioned criteria please inform me. This is his royal highness, signing out.